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Stepping Up To The Plate, Part 14

So there was an overwhelming response of "Keep Going!" so I move forward. Go here to see what I'm doing and why. All readers are invited, encouraged, and begged to respond. The purpose of this experiment is to engage in discussion.

"World's Oldest Profession 2.0" by G.O. Clark:

The first thing that stands out in this poem to me is the weak line breaks. The first three lines are broken on a pronoun, a "to be" verb and a preposition: "After growing old, all he/really desired from her was/companionship, paid for/by the hour." These just seem weak, especially when, had Clark broken the lines on "old," "desired," "companionship," and "hour," he would have been able to use the line breaks to illuminate some of the themes in the poem. On top of that, there were a lot of prose based lines in this piece, lines that seemed like sentences broken into line breaks: "Her generation, dubbed E-Gen,/had arrived during the anti-aging boom. She's always be the same blond, blue eyed perfection." This piece just doesn't work for me on too many craft levels.

"Pygmalion" by Malcolm Deeley:

As far as narrative poems go, this is a solid piece. While there are a few places where the language dips into abstraction or adjective heaviness, overall it's a solid narrative poem. However, as I've argued before, simply retelling tales in poetic form doesn't do it for me. I want something more, something different--a twist, perhaps. That's just me, so this piece, while a fairly decent narrative poem, just doesn't do it for me.

"Emile's Ghosts" by James S. Dorr:

I may be missing something here, because I'm not sure which Emile Dorr is referring to. Let me know what I'm missing. However, while I get the plot of this piece, I don't get a resonating tone from it. I don't feel any sympathy with the character, nor really for the ghosts of the women, so I'm not connecting with this piece on any level. Partly this is a result of Dorr's lack of original images, as many lines are fairly bland or cliche--"in France, he had been a seducer/a rover, a thief of hearts;"   or  "they mouthed words as if to speak/yet never made a sound,"--and don't add anything new to the genre.

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